I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
