Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
