Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
