so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
