Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She's the barista slut.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
