D3 body, D1 cock
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm at about main and main street
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
