i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
