I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
