Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
