planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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