it hurts more in the daytime
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
that's an acceptable place to lick
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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