I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
