Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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