got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize