I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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