Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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