Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
