Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
