I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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