you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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