I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Randomize
