Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
