I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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