I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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