and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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