shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
