I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
