I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
