So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize