I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
