I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
