Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
