I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We named our party play list daddy issues
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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