there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
