I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
