remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
