So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm getting married
To pizza
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
