which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Floor bacon is actually really good
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize