youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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