I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
