Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
