The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
