operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
