So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
