Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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