Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
