Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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