operation harelip BJ is a go
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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