We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
