god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
