so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
