there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
