Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
