You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
