Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
