I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
