so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize