it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
