I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
