I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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