I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
